My dad decided to lecture me on how I should help others out because if I don’t do it now, then no one will want to help me later on. So this got me started thinking on what it really means to help someone else.
The background story
My mom has been in Canada for over a decade and does not drive so she has my brother drive her to work everyday and as a joke he decided to offload that task to me and I said no. So because of my response my dad decided to lecture me on how I should help others.
The problems I see with this:
- What am I really helping my mom with?
- Is she disabled that she can’t take public transit or get her license?
- What am I giving up of mine so I can do that for her?
But the point I want to hit here is this:
There is a huge difference between doing something for someone over and over again and not having them learn anything from it and helping someone with something and having them do it on their own.
Think about it, if you came to me to do your taxes, and just offloaded that task for me to do and you ask no questions, what did you learn from that?
OR
You come to me ask some questions, gather your documentation, sit down with me and I help you along the way while you complete your return.
- Which one do you think would benefit both of us?
Benefit you how?
- You learn something new
- Save money
Benefit me?
- Save time
- Spread your knowledge to someone else
Final thoughts
- People seem to be just lazy and want you to do work for them and later they have a reason to blame you when something goes wrong
- Don’t ask me how to do it, go research it first and then come talk to me
- Are your priorities in place?
- Will you get value for what you are helping others with?
Everything wants your attention
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Andrew
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for the article mention! I can see your point about lending a favor, it’s the difference between feeding a man fish and teaching him how to fish. If it were me, I know I’d want to learn how to drive so I wouldn’t have to be dependent on others; but it sounds like your mom is from another culture and another time, so she has different needs and expectations. I wouldn’t let it get to you too much, just let it go and get on with what you need to be doing. You won’t be there forever.
MoneyEnergy’s last blog post..Everything Wants Your Attention, But Where You Direct It Is One Of The Few Things You Can Control
Clare, thanks for your comment.
Well yes you are right, looks like she has a different mindset from another time however many people don’t seem to realize just how rapidly the world changes.
The days of someone else taking care for your, especially financially are gone hence why we need to value our time.
Tom,
MoneyEnergy took the words right out of my mouth with regard to the question of giving a man a fish and teaching him to fish, and whilst there may be some cases where doing something for someone may be appropriate, in many cases, there will be other times whereby doing so will help take away their power of self responsibility.
Andrew’s last blog post..Climbing to the top
Andrew, thanks for your comment.
Great point, by doing it for someone else you are in fact taking away their power and the sad thing is both of those people don’t even know it.